Something Beautiful

Recently, I have been feeling rather confused and helpless, caused by a number of circumstances and physical inaptitudes. As I sat here at my laptop, silently praying and thinking, “Something Beautiful” by Jars of Clay started to play on my iTunes. The lyrics seem so opportune and appropriate. The words are a melancholic surrender to hope, to a new reality.

If you put your arms around me,
Could it change the way I feel?
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just bleed its way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Lying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out... of this lonely cell

Refrain: Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful

What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see.
so, give me reason to believe
You'd never keep me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine?
It easily defines me,
Do you see it on my face?
And that all I can think about is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me.

Refrain

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
And I still pray when I look in your eyes
You'd stare right back down
Into something beautiful

Maybe, if a perfect God can accept my imperfect body, mind, and spirit, I can as well. Maybe…

Butterfly

butterfly
Originally uploaded by soulofarose.

Wonderbread

Wonderbread
Originally uploaded by soulofarose.

This summer, I went to a retreat called Vincentian Experience 3. While there, we were asked to make a slogan for service. My friend Christine and I got very enthusiastic and made one for the Eucharist: the Real Wonder Bread. So here's my little prototype of the original, classic Wonder Bread!

"For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world" John 6:33

The Notebook: Revised

I am witnessing a real-life adaptation of The Notebook. No, I haven’t had a steamy “fling” with a childhood friend (hard to accomplish, since I still consider myself a “kid”) while engaged. No, I have not been asked out on top of a ferris wheel while my potential beaux hangs by one hand. Instead, I have been privileged to witness the love between my maternal grandparents. My Grandma Gene has been seriously ill for more than a year. She’s been in and out of the hospital for many years for various health issues. Through it all, my grandpa has always been by my grandmother’s side. He has slowly taken over all the daily household tasks as well as Grandma’s basic, personal care.

I think back to the day of my grandparents’ wedding day, June 29, 1959. I imagine their hopes for the future. I imagine their joy as they say their vows, “In sickness and in health,… for as long as we both shall live.” They were two vibrant, healthy, young people excited to begin their lives together.

Now, Grandpa sits by Grandma’s bedside, holding her hand as they watch Turner Classic movies together on the hospital’s TV. My Grandma is slumped in the bed, tired and exhausted from a long night. She breathes oxygen from a tube in her nose while a heart monitor beeps in the background. Grandpa adjusts Grandma’s tubes and IV cords and then settles back in his chair. “Those were the good old days,” he says. “Look at how young Henry Fonda was! And Betty Davis!” Grandma opens her eyes and then starts breathing heavily. “Burt, give me some ice.” Grandpa spoons some ice chips in to her mouth to soothe her sore tongue. She sighs and looks over to my Grandpa. “Thank you,” she says. He smiles and they sit back and watch the old, romantic movie.

Thankfully, my Grandma does not have Alzheimer’s disease. However, the strong love portrayed in the movie and book The Notebook is alive in my grandparents’ relationship. Grandpa has dedicated the past few years of his life to serving my grandma’s basic needs. They have shared forty-six years of married life together, through the good and bad times of family life. Their example of commitment and sacrificial love is one that shines through with more brightly than the Hollywood version. My grandparents are living out their vow of “I do.”

Duc in Altum

I am currently adding the final touches to a talk I am going to give at a retreat this Spring. The talk's theme is "Truth and Service." Here is a short exerpt...

The past few years I have been learning to sail on my dad’s Tartan 27. We sail on the Great South Bay which can be really shallow and dirty. Our boat is 40-years-old and currently in the process of being restored. When my dad bought the boat, both the depth detector and GPS were broken. This means we were unable to know the exact depth of the water or what our exact position was. Sailing became a guessing game. We tried to stay in the main channels, but often ran into shoal waters. We would peer over the rail and try to calculate for ourselves how deep the water was. One time, the boat grounded itself in a sandbar. The water was murky from the boat scrapping the bottom of the bay. We had to jump out of the boat in order to push this 27 foot boat back in to deeper water. Before I jumped off the deck, I looked down in to the waters. I couldn’t see the bottom. I was unable to judge if it was forty feet deep or four. I jumped into the murky water and was surprised to find the water only came up to my thigh. We pushed, and shoved, and pleaded, and wiggled the boat back and forth. Finally, the boat broke through and we scampered back aboard…. Just in time for the boat to wedge itself into another sandbar.

Sometimes, when you look over the rail of the boat and can not see the bottom, it can feel disconcerting. The waters of the Great South Bay can give the deception of being deeper than they truly are. When you sail through the sea of life, it can feel like we are sailing along with out the help of any guidance, without a GPS or depth detector. How deep is the water beneath your boat? What lies beneath your boat? What do you hold as truth? I want you to examine your life. Is the truth that supports your ship shallow? Where are you headed? Are you stuck in a sandbar? Perhaps you are fearful of beginning such a voyage with what you believe is a lack of equipment. I think this fear of the unknown is summed up well by Pope John Paul the Great.

“Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.”

Don't be afraid. Push your boat into the sea, sail away. Go out into the deep waters towards your final end. Duc in altum.

Illustration Friday: Simple

Illustration Friday: Simple
Originally uploaded by soulofarose.

The word "simple" made me think of sumi-e, Japanese painting. Sumi-e is a philosophical art style. The paintings are often monochromatic with simple, very thoughtful, and philosophical design. Balance is always important. Here, I tried to imitate the sumi-e styles by painting an "ayame" or Iris. The poorly written Kanji says, "hana" (flower -- my signature) and below in red “ayame.”

Purity

purity
Originally uploaded by soulofarose.

This is one image I completed for my Graphics class. The assignment was to pick one of seven words and create an image to communicate that word (in this case, purity). I am surprisingly happy with how this came out. Also, I am very proud I managed to navigate myself around the Mac computer! Another image coming soon...

Stock photo sources:

http://morguefile.com/archive/?display=70448&

http://morguefile.com/archive/?display=79328&

The Loon

Floating on the sea
The light reflects
The moon,
Mirroring brilliance,
And dancing on the waves.
The gentle song of the water,
Sings of time forsaken
And dreams of tomorrow.
Hopefully waiting,
The loon sleeps.

Dawn awakes,
And with the sun, the loon stirs.
The water murmurs lauds,
Rippling, rising, rolling.
The sky invites the loon to ascend,
Duc in altum.
Into the deep clouds, she soars.
Delighting in the speed.

On the wings of the wind,
The loon sings a hymn
Of the unutterable stillness of the heart:
The silent song.
Too powerful, too passionate for words,
A love song for a Savior.

Some Poetical Musings

“Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.”

T. S. Eliot’s Four Quartets (http://www.tristan.icom43.net/quartets/index.html) keeps reminding me of talk I heard last winter on time. According to the speaker, there are two kinds of time, chronos and kairos time. Chronos time is filled with the busy platitudes of planners, blackberries, and cell phones. Chronos time looks ahead and fails to see the now. Kairos time is a moment of grace, an experience of “now-time” when you live in the moment. For me this has occurred over a long conversation with a dear friend (of course accompanied by tea), dinner with my family, sailing with the wind in my hair, during prayer, and so many more moments. Glimpses into the sacred and semipiternal.

“In my beginning is my end.” I begin this new semester with a glance behind at the old trodden path and step out to the “unknown, remembered gate.” This past fall was difficult because of the many chaotic events transpiring within my life. “However, this steep and sometimes rocky road was softened by times of relaxation. And these resting moments were kairos time for me. Hanging out with friends, watching Korean chick-flicks, praying with my roomie Maya at 2:00 AM before finals, campus ministry, OJS, and so much more.

And now, as I begin my second semester at St. John’s, I make a new beginning and end. I begin a new season, while also treasuring autumn’s fallen leaves. I am trying to continually utter my own small fiat to life and kairos.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one."

Illustration Friday: E is for...

eliot
Originally uploaded by soulofarose.

E is for Eliot, T. S. Eliot. Over my break I finally finished Eliot's "Four Quartets," something I've wanted to do for years. They were really awesome! Thought-provoking and perspicacious. So here's my little tribute to the poet and writer, T. S. Eliot.

Illustration Friday: Holiday

The awe and wonder of Christ's birth...

This is a rough sketch I did for http://www.illustrationfriday.com weekly post topic. This week the topic is "Holiday." I wanted to show the Blessed Mother and Jesus in a normal, everyday situation. Mary must have been exhausted on Christmas night, but maybe she stayed awake a few extra minutes to just gaze at her beautiful Baby Boy....

A Beginning...

I am moving my on-line journal from http://oldfashionedgirl.deviantart.com to this blog. I will continue to add various sketches and such to the my deviantArt page, but I plan on using this blog to post my various and sundry musings on life in its particulars and generalities as expressed in words and the visual language. I also plan on participating in the weekly topic of http://www.illustrationfriday.com (as regularly as I possibly can) now that I have my own personal scanner (!!).

I hope that all had a very Merry Christmas...

And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.While they were there,the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to her firstborn son.She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. (Luke 2:4-6)

Resume

Published Written Works:


“Anticipation," Great South Bay Magazine, May 2010. Distributed digitally and via print.

"Planning a Wedding with a Chronic Illness," A Practical Wedding, April 13, 2010

“Defining Self and Suffering,” Sainthood and Surrender, January 10, 2010